Mar
19
The Spiritual Experience of Disability
March 19, 2007 | Leave a Comment
I’ve been asked many questions over the years about my disability. But I’m always surprised by how infrequently I’m asked this question even in religious settings: what is your spiritual experience of disability?
The answer to this , of course, is different for everyone with a disability. In my case, the experience of living with a disability has deepened my faith as a cradle Catholic. I pray more, feel the presence of God more and have been led on a journey that I never anticipated – one that’s increased my awareness of myself as a member of a larger Body of Christ.
On the day of my accident I remember hurrying around. I was leaving for a vacation and it was the first one I’d taken in a long time. As I checked off everything I had to do on my list, I remember thinking that I didn’t have time to take this vacation either. But all my plans were made so off I went.
When the accident happened, my first reaction was the same: “I don’t have time for this.” I had no idea that I was about to undergo a life changing transformation, one that made my “busyness” literally cease and desist. My identity, so closely tied to my occupation and business and what I did every day in that role, began to painfully change from that moment on. As the gravity of my injuries become apparent to me, I stopped taking things for granted that I always had. I realized for the first time that not only was I mortal, but I had been “temporarily able bodied”.
Shock set in as I realized I was not going to get “better” physically and would have a disability. Denial kept dancing around me, as did anger, bargaining with God and all the typical Kubler-Ross reactions. I became stuck in anger after I was told that I would be a quadriplegic. This was very painful and a wall grew up between myself and any kind of spirituality during that time. I had no idea that living with a disability could be a positive, life-affirming experience. People were put into my life who helped me learn that lesson.
After several years I emerged ready to move into acceptance and began in earnest to have a dialogue with God for the first time since my accident. This spiritual connection grew over time and deepened enough that I sought ways to serve and give back to others, recognizing for the first time the many kindnesses I experienced as I healed. The love I received from others was very healing. As my identity as a member of community grew, I learned a great deal about inclusion.
My blog is an extension of these experiences as well as a part of that journey. My spiritual experience has run the gamut but whenever I receive Communion I am reminded that I am a member of the Body of Christ and the mystical experience of that Sacrament reaffirms God’s love for all of us.
